KVJ Show

The Fort Lauderdale Rio Vista Poop Situation

Rio Vista in Fort Lauderdale has been having an issues with their sewage lines bursting…

Ft Lauderdale Resident of 50+ Years- John McCrory wrote a parody Holiday Poem about the poop situation titled:

Twas The Week Before Turdmas, A Rio Vista Poem

Twas the week before Christmas, all through the Rio Vista hood,
Not a neighbor was walking around, who would?!;
The lawns were all littered with diarrhea and turds,
As Tarpon River filled up with dead fish, crabs, and birds;
The children were sleeping in their putrid beds,
While visions of sewage trucks drove by in their heads;
Moms wearing rubber boots and dads needing naps,
All wondering who is going to clean up this crap;
When out in the street there arose such a clatter,
A sewer pipe break was the cause, spewing fecal matter;
Neighbors ran to their windows, and what did they see,
Ponce De Leon has changed to the Rio Vista Brown Sea;
The light from the moon put it all in clear sight,
Turds to the left, turds to the right;
The city did what they thought they should do,
Quickly sending to Rio Vista a Ghostbuster-like hazmat-dressed crew;
With their skiff in Tarpon River, pool nets in hand,
They skimmed the floaters as neighbors watched from the land;
Sewer pump trucks were needed, and rapid they came,
Each adorned with the Cliff Berry name;
The drivers were sickened at the first sight of it,
You could hear them exclaim “we are supposed to clean up this shit?”;
Luckily from Texas came a much needed part,
The answer had arrived to end this huge neighborhood fart;
Workers unwrapped the new pipe without missing a beat,
Could it be no more poop in our yards and our street?;
The crews got to work putting the pipe into place,
Each with septic on his or her face;
Just twelve hours later, after nine whole days,
The flow was stopped, and gone was the haze;
Neighbors returned to their homes, Rio Vista Falls stopped,
When what would you know, another pipe popped;
The neighbors all sighed at what appeared on the news,
There wasn’t just one sewer break…there were two;
The stench came back, a new street-river churned,
Lines of sewer pump trucks returned;
How could this happen? What could this be?,
And then, hold your breath, busted pipe number three;
So as Christmas draws near we can all hear the cries,
Please commissioners, not another high rise;
Take a good look around at what’s going on,
But first, please, stroll down Poop De Leon;
So as we wait for the commission to make this right,
But Wait, don’t relax yet there is more in store,
Victoria Park just got hit with break number four.



*Thanks to Cynthia H for sending us The Poem Of John McCrory*